(5)HEALING - Being truly, authentically, unapologetically, vulnerable

So on my journey of self love, I have learned that vulnerability doesn't have to be with someone else. It can be with yourself, in your bathroom, on your floor. When you see yourself breaking. In that moment, you can come to yourself hold yourself and know life will go on. Does it mean you're healed HELL NO. Because the next day I cried to my best friend and cursed love.

IT'S A ROLLERCOASTER PEOPLE, you're never truly just over shit. SHIT DONT DISAPPEAR NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHADOW WORK YOU DO. Have you ever been in the sun and NEVER SEE YOUR SHADOW. If a cloud moves in it may be gone for a second but it comes back. Shadows are apart of you, it's apart of your life. The reward is in learning to live with your shadow become friends and realize that when no one else was there your shadow never left your side.

In my moment of breaking down on my bathroom floor. I recognized that I had a way of living, navigating, finessing relationships and life because of my past. But going forward I don't have to move how I moved perviously. I can chose to be truly, autheniticly, unapologetically vulnerable whenever, and with whomever I chose. How, they process it will be their choice and if they choose to move on that's their business. I dont need to be liked or loved by everyone I encounter. As long as I continue to love myself I will always beloved and THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME. I don't need all the love in the world, I don't need the world.

So my best friend asked me to look at the all moments I shared with this man and figure out the lessons that I needed to learn. That was it I learned to be truly, authentically, unapologetically, vulnerable. He didn't like or accept my vulnerablity, and that's ok.

To be truly and authentically myself, is to be vulnerable and not apologize for my emotions because they are too overwhelming for the person on the receiving end. That's their personal problem they must work out amongst themselves. Because I am human and I may have secrets, pain, and darkness but all those things helped make me the woman I am today. I want to be be vulnerable and share them. For so long I was ok keeping those parts of me hidden because I didn't want to be seen as a liability, a burden, come off as weak or crazy.

But I now see those parts of me not weaknesses. But strengths and battle scars. They made me the woman I am today. I am proud of who I am, and not ashamed of how the world views me. And never again will I trade my authenticity for approval.

So to those out there that feel your vulnerability is a liability. Let me just leave you with this ......

I am not WEAK.....
                 
NOR AM I FOR THE WEAK HEARTED. 
                                                                           - Tiarra Davis